Parent Lessons – Ephesians 6:1-4 – Episode 78

Speaker 1 (00:03):

Is your world a little crazy and off kilter at the moment, feeling a bit frazzled? Well then, you’ve found the perfect place to regain some quiet today. Welcome to the Sweet Selah Moments Podcast, where we study his Word and encourage one another. The Sweet Selah Moments Podcast is a cooperative production of Word Radio and Sweet Selah Ministries.

Nicole (00:29):

Welcome to the Sweet Selah Moments Podcast. We talked about Marriage Lessons last week. Today it’s Parent Lessons. Welcome to episode 78. Sharon, I’ve been looking forward to this one as I am right in the middle of the parenting season. I’m thankful Paul talks about being good parents even if this section of Ephesians is very brief.

Sharon (00:49):

It sure is brief. It’s like, could we not have a little more on parenting? (Nicole: Yeah) But actually all the general rules in the Bible of kindness and preferring others ahead of ourselves and integrity still apply to parenting.

Nicole (01:03):

That’s true.

Sharon (01:04):

As they do to every other part of life. And so I have to remember that. Oh yeah that part about being honest, that applies to my children and you know, in parenting. So, but it is challenging to help our children grow up and fulfill their God-given potential cause they’re all so different. (Nicole: Yes) You know, you start with the older one and you finally learn what works and what doesn’t. And you’re like, okay, I’m ready for number two. And then they’re totally different.

Nicole (01:29):

Totally different. Yep.

Sharon (01:30):

They’re not anything alike and you’re like, that worked so well with the other one. Now I have to relearn who this second child is and work with them. So, boy!

Nicole (01:39):

It’s a lot of work.

Sharon (01:40):

It is. So we really need some timeless wisdom from the Bible to help us out with this. So let’s read our passage first thing today.

Nicole (01:47):

All right. So we are reading from Ephesians 6:1-4, and I’ll start. “Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord. For this is the right thing to do.” Honor (Nicole and Sharon start reading Verse 2 at the same time by mistake ) —Oh, go ahead.

Sharon (01:59):

Honor, well, see, honor must have needed to be emphasized.

Nicole (02:04):

(I was so excited) Yes, honor, perfect.

Sharon (02:04):

Honor. So now we’ll talk about that later. Okay. Moving on, verse 2. “Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise.”

Nicole (02:14):

“If you honor your father and mother things will go well for you and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Sharon (02:20):

“Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, by the way you treat them. Rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Well that was short (Nicole: Yeah) but it’s packed with wisdom. Nicole, I’d like to look at this passage verse by verse, using several different translations in the Bible. (Nicole: Mm-hmm) I feel like that would help us today. And our first verse is all about obedience. The children are to obey. So start us off with a definition of the word obey.

Nicole (02:50):

Hmm. So Studylight.org tells us that the word obey, as found in our verse here in Ephesians, means to comply with the commands, orders, or instructions of a superior; or with the requirements of law, moral, political, or municipal to do that which is commanded or required; or to forbear doing that which is prohibited. Children, obey your parents in the Lord. Well, that’s pretty straightforward. (Sharon: Mm-hmm) Children are to do what their parents tell them to do. That’s actually pretty heavy for a parent, Sharon. What if we tell them to do something that is not good?

Sharon (03:26):

Yeah. Really.

Nicole (03:27):

It’s quite the responsibility to teach our children what is right. And to expect obedience from them.

Sharon (03:32):

It is. And Paul doesn’t mince words here. It’s children, obey. That’s what you’re supposed to do. But there’s also an interesting phrase that comes after that command. And it was fascinating to me how it’s translated so differently in different versions, which is why I wanna look at the different versions. In the New Living Translation, which is the one we usually use, it says “Obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.” (Nicole: Yeah) But other translations say it differently. So why don’t you read the New International Translation?

Nicole (04:04):

Okay. This one says, “Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right”.

Sharon (04:09):

Alrighty. The Living Bible says, “Children obey your parents. This is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you.”

Nicole (04:19):

Wow. And here it is in the Amplified Bible, “Children obey your parents in the Lord. That is accept their guidance and discipline as his representatives. For this is right, for obedience teaches wisdom and self discipline.” Wow.

Sharon (04:34):

And it’s interesting how it’s so varied, but it’s all helping children understand why. (Nicole: Yeah) And I kinda like that. Paul’s talking to the kids, it’s like, Hey, this is why we’re telling you to obey. (Nicole: Right) Which I think is very nice of Paul.

Nicole (04:48):

It is.

Sharon (04:49):

Because they’re children, you know, and sometimes in some generations it’s been, children should be seen and not heard. (Nicole: Right) You know? And kids had like no dignity but Paul’s actually giving them some dignity here. He’s explaining why. So God’s basically telling them this is for your good. (Nicole: Hmm) So can you imagine life without children obeying? What, what, what would happen?

Nicole (05:12):

It would be absolute chaos. (Sharon: Uhhuh) I’m thinking of just one of my own little ones. She is, she was wild. I don’t think she would’ve survived past age five if she didn’t obey a little bit.

Sharon (05:23):

Uhhuh. Well, as she’s climbing trees to the top (Nicole: Oh my word) and running out in traffic.

Nicole (05:28):

Yeah. The crazy stuff she did, it’s a miracle. God really put his hand on her.

Sharon (05:32):

I don’t even remember which one of my two it was, but, they were not obeying about coming to us. You know? It’s like, it was time to go, come on, and they’re doing their own deal. So I said to Ray, well, let’s walk away because they’ll, you know, follow us. (Nicole: Right) No, not at all. I’m like, wow. Okay. So I could walk away from this child and she’d continue to play and not even notice I was gone. (Nicole: Yep. It’s scary) This would be dangerous.

Nicole (05:57):

Yes. Those strong-willed ones make you go, oh, that didn’t work.

Sharon (06:01):

I know it. I mean, a child would never receive a car seat. They’d never say, I choose a car seat today, mother. Right.

Nicole (06:08):

Right. Because it’s safe for me. They hate them. And they kick and scream and fight, usually. One of mine did.

Sharon (06:13):

Uhhuh, Uhhuh. Yeah. Trying to bend them when they’re like rigid.

Nicole (06:17):

Oh, my word.

Sharon (06:18):

To fit them in.

Nicole (06:19):

Oh, yes. Kids do have a way of making it very clear (Sharon: Yes) what they don’t wanna do.

Sharon (06:23):

No. And you’re like, this is really for your good.

Nicole (06:25):

Or eating too much candy or doing the things that make them ill.

Sharon (06:30):

Or get a stomach ache.

Nicole (06:30):

Right. Then you have to clean up the mess afterward if they eat too much.

Sharon (06:34):

Right. No kidding. Or even really dangerous things. Like, look, mom, I’m going to dry my hair while I’m in the bathtub and drop the hair dryer in the water and electrocute myself. I mean, there’s some things they need to obey us on cause they don’t know enough.

Nicole (06:47):

Right. Right. To know that this could kill you.

Sharon (06:49):

Yes. Yes. Oh, drinking poison. That’s another one.

Nicole (06:52):

Right. Oh, that was my Ellie too. We called the Poison Control three times on that one.

Sharon (06:56):

Did you really?

Nicole (06:57):

Yes.

Sharon (06:57):

Oh my goodness.

Nicole (06:58):

She has kept me on my toes.

Sharon (06:59):

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So bottom line, children have not lived long enough to know all the dangers out there.

Nicole (07:06):

Yes.

Sharon (07:06):

They need to listen to their parents so they’re protected and have the best chance to make it to adulthood.

Nicole (07:11):

Oh my word. Yes.

Sharon (07:12):

Right. Cause we do want that for them.

Nicole (07:13):

Right. We love them.

Sharon (07:14):

Right. So God set it up that parents, who have more experience, have the authority, but it’s for their children’s good. Like always, because Nicole, all the other nice things we read about earlier in Ephesians apply to parents too. Parents also always need to be kind.

Nicole (07:30):

Right.

Sharon (07:30):

They always need to be loving. All these things, apply to parents as well. They need to live a life of love. They need to get rid of all rage and malice and bitterness. All these things apply to parents too.

Nicole (07:42):

That’s true.

Sharon (07:43):

Parents are not supposed to run rampant over their children. They’re in charge, but they are to be the ones in charge. So okay. Not only are children to obey their parents, but they are to, the word we both said together, (Nicole: Yes) honor, honor.

Nicole (07:57):

Well, and here’s what honor means, Sharon, in this context, I got this from Gotquestions.org. Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means to revere, prize and value. Honor is giving respect, not only for merit, but also for rank. For example, some Americans may disagree with the president’s decisions, but they should still respect his position as leader of their country. Similarly, children of all ages should honor their parents regardless of whether or not their parents deserve honor.

Sharon (08:34):

I love that. And I wish our culture valued older people more.

Nicole (08:39):

Oh I know.

Sharon (08:39):

You know, that honoring of someone that has lived a lot longer.

Nicole (08:43):

Yeah. And has all that wisdom and experience.

Sharon (08:45):

Yes. Yes.

Nicole (08:45):

I think that’s a lost art for sure.

Sharon (08:47):

It’s a lost art. We all think we’re smarter than our parents. And then when we get older we’re like, oh I actually wasn’t, man, I should have listened more.

Nicole (08:55):

I know. And glean that wisdom from them instead of like, I’ll just Google it.

Sharon (08:59):

Right. Exactly. What do you know? You’re old fashioned.

Nicole (09:02):

Right.

Sharon (09:03):

There’s been several times where I’ve thought, oh Mummy, I wish I’d listened to you, honey. I thought that I was so much wiser than you. (Nicole: I know) I think the honoring really is for all our lives, you know?

Nicole (09:14):

Oh yeah.

Sharon (09:14):

And, and you know how God takes care of orphans and he takes care of widows. I think this is the way of taking care of the very old as well, where, where they’re, they’re weaker and more feeble and they can be neglected because you know, they can’t hear you half the time when you talk to them. (Nicole: Right) And they wanna talk about all their aches and pains because basically they’re aching and paining everywhere.

Nicole (09:36):

Right.

Sharon (09:36):

And so he’s like, honor them. (Nicole: Yeah) They’ve lived a long time. They’ve served you well, you need to honor their position and their place in life. So.

Nicole (09:48):

Oh, I like that.

Sharon (09:48):

I think it’s a permanent command, long after we’ve moved out of the house and are fully adult. (Nicole: Right) Honor them. So it’s interesting to me that it comes with this promise that we live longer, if we do that, isn’t that weird?

Nicole (10:01):

It is weird.

Sharon (10:01):

It’s like, it’s the first commandment, you know, in those ten commands where it’s like, okay, if you do this, if you honor, you get to live longer. (Nicole: Yeah) What is that, Nicole?

Nicole (10:10):

I don’t know. I was thinking about that and I think it might have to do with like this peace of mind in our own selves or a more healthy mindset if we’re honoring our parents as we become adults, because we’re continuing to seek them for wisdom. And honestly just by slowing down to be with them, like you and your parents, you take a time once a week out of your busy schedule, to sit with them and just listen to them. And that in itself is good for us.

Sharon (10:33):

It is.

Nicole (10:33):

Just to be still (Sharon: It is) and slow down and be with our loved ones, you know? (Sharon: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm) And even if we don’t have the best relationship with our parents, as we get older, there’s still honor in trying to either make amends if it’s really bad or looking to care for them as much as they will let us.

Sharon (10:48):

Yes. There is.

Nicole (10:49):

You know, cause again, there’s peace in us doing what we know God has called us to do. (Sharon: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm) So if we live in resentment or blame our parents for whatever troubles we have in life, that’s just a really unhealthy way to live. And I think that can really affect our health overall, too.

Sharon (11:01):

It really can. It really can. And I think as we become adults, we, we can see that some of their parenting mistakes, uh, we’re making them too, you know?

Nicole (11:12):

Yeah, and we can give grace.

Sharon (11:13):

We give more grace. We’re like, oh, that is hard to always be pleasant. (Nicole: Right) Yeah, I was so upset when you used to yell at me and I might have yelled at my own child.

Nicole (11:25):

Right. You were so tough when I was eleven. Oh, now I have an 11 year old. Oh!

Sharon (11:30):

I know!

Nicole (11:30):

I get it. I’m sorry.

Sharon (11:32):

I’m so sorry for the way I was. Cause now I understand how annoying I was.

Nicole (11:36):

True. Yeah. So maybe there’s that peace too in going through and kind of forgiving those tough things we might even hold onto, we don’t know about, you know?

Sharon (11:42):

Yeah, and understanding them better. (Nicole: Yeah) Also as an adult, I learned my parents’ history more. When I was a child. I didn’t, I never thought of some of the hard things my dad went through. I didn’t know.

Nicole (11:53):

Right. He was just your dad.

Sharon (11:54):

He was just my dad. Right. And he was perfect cause he was my dad. And then when he wasn’t perfect I was really offended because I had thought he was perfect.

Nicole (12:01):

Hold on.

Sharon (12:02):

Yeah. But when we honor them as adults, we’re honoring where they came from and what they’ve achieved, despite a hard background, oftentimes.

Nicole (12:13):

That’s a great point. Yeah.

Sharon (12:13):

You know? So all of this is healthy for us.

Nicole (12:15):

Yes. Yeah.

Sharon (12:16):

It really is. So alright.

Nicole (12:17):

It’s pretty cool.

Sharon (12:18):

Yeah. So our first three verses then are all instructions to children. They’re to obey. They’re to do this because their parents know more. They can lead them through the tricky maze of how to live in this messy world of ours. Well, this works great if the parents are decent people, I mean, they’re not gonna be perfect. We know that. (Nicole: Right) But almost every parent desires to bless and not curse their children. There’s very few that are like, I desire to hurt you. (Nicole: Right) There’s a few sad cases of that. But what happens if a child is in an abusive situation or if, as if, as an adult visiting their parents still feels unsafe to them. I mean, there are hard things out there.

Nicole (12:56):

Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. Not every case is perfect.

Sharon (12:58):

No.

Nicole (12:58):

This is so hard to think of Sharon, you know, and you know, in my own life, my own dear dad grew up in a very abusive and unhealthy family. So I’ve heard stories from him about his own very broken childhood. And it just makes you tear up, it breaks your heart to hear (Sharon: Yes) like what they survived through. But the really cool thing is, is that God found my dad, even in the middle of that mess. And he tells stories of feeling God’s presence even as a little boy (Sharon: Oh) and when God would comfort him or come along and guide and you know, bless him and keep him from a really bad situation. So that gives me hope, hearing his experience. If you do see or hear of people in terrible situations that (Sharon: Mm-hmm mm-hmm) God can come along and keep those kiddos safe. Even if they’re trapped in a terrible family dynamic.

Sharon (13:44):

Your dad is such a joy to listen to too. He is like brimming over with enthusiasm for God.

Nicole (13:49):

Oh yeah and he’s one of nine kiddos. And he’s the only one that is a believer and God has blessed him so much. (Sharon: Yeah) And our family is healthy (Sharon: Because of your daddy, Oh!) versus his siblings still kind of living in brokenness. Yeah. So you know, and then I think of like that verse in Luke 17 about it would be better to be thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to fall into sin. So watch yourself.

Sharon (14:11):

Yeah.

Nicole (14:12):

So God cares.

Sharon (14:13):

He does care and he notices.

Nicole (14:14):

He cares so much. He does. (Sharon: Mm-hmm) So it gives me hope that God is looking out for children because he loves them even more than we can love them. And God also uses all sorts of, you know, horrible things we’ve gone through for good eventually, you know?

Sharon (14:26):

Right.

Nicole (14:26):

But it’s never easy to hear or see dysfunction.

Sharon (14:29):

It is not.

Nicole (14:30):

You know, and you had mentioned too, like this dysfunction can continue into adulthood. And if we’re not careful to set healthy boundaries with parents that have been abusive or whatnot, you know, that can really affect us as grown ups.

Sharon (14:41):

Yes it can, and our children.

Nicole (14:43):

Yes.

Sharon (14:44):

Interacting with their grandparents.

Nicole (14:44):

Bringing our children into that environment.

Sharon (14:46):

Right. Right.

Nicole (14:46):

So again, my own dad did a great job by trying to remove us from that abuse and the unhealthy atmosphere that he grew up in. So we just saw them, you know, just enough to try to be a witness and try to show them our lives as Christians. But we weren’t there for every single event. We didn’t sleep over. We saw them when we could. And when things got a little crazy, we would leave early. So, it was a safe way, you know?

Sharon (15:08):

Yeah. I like that.

Nicole (15:09):

So, I think he was very cautious with our interactions with them and it’s really neat. My dad was able to lead my grandmother to Christ eventually. Later in life.

Sharon (15:17):

I so love the happy ending. Yes.

Nicole (15:20):

Yep. So even after all that horribleness and he was careful, but he was able to bring her to–so I mean, God uses even horrible things.

Sharon (15:25):

Talk about honoring.

Nicole (15:26):

Yes. And even he, we barely saw her. Honestly. I probably met my grandfather like three times my whole life. (Sharon: Wow, wow). But he just wasn’t a man we could be around.

Sharon (15:35):

Right. And yet your daddy knew how to reach out with boundaries.

Nicole (15:38):

Absolutely.

Sharon (15:39):

And honor. There are ways to still honor.

Nicole (15:40):

And you can still, she was still reached for Christ, even though we weren’t there 24/7 with her, doing all the things.

Sharon (15:45):

That’s so cool.

Nicole (15:46):

So, listeners, I wanna encourage people out there who are in relationships with unstable or difficult parents, seek help and counsel from your pastor or a trusted Christian counselor in making appropriate boundaries with your adult parents. There’s still a way to be loving and honoring without being subject to their unhealthy influence over you.

Sharon (16:03):

Yes. There is. There is. I had a friend who married a man whose parents couldn’t stand her because her faith wasn’t their faith.

Nicole (16:11):

Right. Oh no. That’s that’s really tough one.

Sharon (16:13):

And they were really mean, I mean, just really mean, and you know, she didn’t get presents. Everybody else got presents and it was pretty bad, it was terrible. And so she, what she did to honor was she’d say, all right, I can’t control how they respond to me. But what is honoring? Honoring is sending them cards for birthdays and Christmas. So I will do that. Honoring is giving them presents when it’s appropriate. So I will do that. (Nicole: Oh, that’s tough) Honoring is going, you know, just for a short time. And her husband is like, we’re just not gonna go. And she’s like, no, I think we should go, be kind, you know, to an event and then leave early.

Nicole (16:51):

Yeah. Right. If things get crazy.

Sharon (16:52):

Or whatever. Yeah, yeah, and the happy ending there is, she’s one of their favorites now.

Nicole (16:56):

Oh, my word!

Sharon (16:57):

She wore them down and she would just say, all right, Lord, I’m not trying to please them because basically it’s impossible. Am I pleasing you in the way I’m treating them?

Nicole (17:08):

Yeah. Oh, and God honored.

Sharon (17:09):

He really did.

Nicole (17:10):

Her honoring. Yeah.

Sharon (17:11):

Yeah. God honored her honoring.

Nicole (17:12):

That’s so beautiful.

Sharon (17:13):

Yeah.

Nicole (17:14):

Oh good. I like those happy endings.

Sharon (17:15):

It takes a really special person to be able to continue to pour out love when you’re being rejected.

Nicole (17:21):

Oh, for sure. Constantly, too. Especially from family. It hurts a little bit more.

Sharon (17:25):

Yeah, it does. It does. So anyways.

Nicole (17:26):

Sweet woman.

Sharon (17:27):

Wowzers all right. Okay. So now we’re gonna get to the verse that pertains to you and Josh as parents. And I feel like it still pertains to Ray and me. We still have children. They’re adult children.

Nicole (17:38):

You never stop parenting. No.

Sharon (17:39):

Yeah. And I’m still, you know, shouldn’t be provoking them. And ask them, I can still provoke them. Yes, I can.

Nicole (17:48):

Oh, that’s cute.

Sharon (17:48):

And I nag ’em and I’m like, so did you go to the doctor yet? (Nicole: Right) Mom, you asked two hours ago. No.

Nicole (17:55):

Okay. But did you go?

Sharon (17:56):

But did you go, but don’t you think you should, because I think you should. We know what you think, Mom. (Nicole: Right) Yeah. So anyways, here’s the verse that talks to being the parent, especially fathers, it’s interesting.

Nicole (18:09):

Mmm, yeah.

Sharon (18:09):

Maybe fathers are better at provoking than even mothers. It says “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, by the way you treat them. Rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord” which is basically not from your own evil heart, (Nicole: Right) which is always selfish and always wants them to go away so you can do your thing.

Nicole (18:30):

Right. Oh, my word.

Sharon (18:31):

But the stuff that comes from the Lord. So I see two parts to this. Part one is don’t provoke. (Nicole: Mm-hmm) So it’s the don’t part. A parent can easily frustrate a child. And then part two is the do, do bring them up with discipline and instruction in the Lord that comes from the Lord. So, okay. We’re gonna start with part one. So what are some ways that parents, and maybe especially fathers can provoke their children to anger, make their kids mad? I think that’s an interesting thing to poke them till they’re mad.

Nicole (19:00):

Yeah, right. I think it could be caused by setting too many like ‘us’ rules, like, oh, we want you to be quiet and neat and this and that. And like too many rules on them that aren’t God rules. So it becomes discouraging cause they’re going to fail and now they’re failing even more rules that they can’t follow up too.

Sharon (19:18):

Yes.

Nicole (19:18):

You know, like setting unrealistic expectations.

Sharon (19:20):

Yes. I think that’s a lot of it. It’s like, you know, a child spills their milk. They’re growing, their hand wasn’t that long two days ago.

Nicole (19:27):

Right. Now it’s an inch longer and they can’t–, they’re clumsy or whatever.

Sharon (19:31):

Exactly. And to punish, you know, for something that is totally a mistake. No, no, no, no.

Nicole (19:38):

That’s a good point. So for scolding, for like accidental things versus like intentional disobedience.

Sharon (19:43):

Exactly.

Nicole (19:44):

There’s a difference. And if we’re not careful, we can really discourage, make them angry. Like I can’t do anything right. You know.

Sharon (19:49):

Right. Exactly so. Yeah. And I think sometimes, especially a father, at least maybe in my home, misunderstood a child thinking they were being rude to me when they weren’t, they were just being pal-sy, friend-sy.

Nicole (20:03):

Right. They didn’t know the boundaries.

Sharon (20:04):

You know, and he would be like, whoa, don’t talk to your mother like that. And they’re like blindsided by it because they really weren’t trying to be mouthy. (Nicole: Right) They were just trying to be cute, you know? (Nicole: Right) So I think we can provoke them to anger when we don’t take the time to figure out if what they did was intentional and rebellious.

Nicole (20:22):

Right. Right.

Sharon (20:23):

Or just being a kid and not knowing the social gradients yet of how to interact with people.

Nicole (20:31):

Yeah. I’ve found too my girls get very upset if we don’t listen to them. Like not the excuses (Sharon: Mm-hmm) cause sometimes they’ll just, well I did this– but when they’re really trying to explain what happened and we’re like, we’re quick to judge like, Nope, I’m pretty sure you did this. And they’re like, you didn’t hear me, mom, you didn’t and I’m like, I’m sorry. (Sharon: Yes) I get so angry. And I, we all wanna be heard, you know?

Sharon (20:51):

We do.

Nicole (20:51):

And not letting them go on and like rattle on about excuses, but just listening to them. And I’ve been, there’s been several times I have stopped and listened and I’ve been wrong with what I assumed happened. And I’m like, oh my gosh. I’m so glad I listened to you because you were right. I’m sorry.

Sharon (21:05):

Yeah. At first glance I judged you.

Nicole (21:07):

Yes. It seemed like this happened. I was ready to lay down the law.

Sharon (21:10):

Exactly, yeah.

Nicole (21:11):

But Oh. So listening to them has been a huge lesson for Josh and I.

Sharon (21:14):

It is huge. Yeah. So I think it’s interesting that Paul brings this up. We are supposed to not provoke.

Nicole (21:20):

Yeah. So they want to obey. So obedience is a joy for them and not like, oh, this is so hard.

Sharon (21:25):

Yeah. Or like it’s impossible, the throw up your hands thing. Well, I give up, I can’t please them.

Nicole (21:28):

Yes. I can’t do anything right. So I’m not gonna do anything. Right. You know, and you can see how that can lead to rebellion.

Sharon (21:32):

Absolutely. Yeah. It’s part of that, submit yourselves one to another, you know, where we need to be humble enough to listen and to think, oh, I could have judged you wrongly.

Nicole (21:41):

Right. Exactly. And not afraid to admit our mistakes.

Sharon (21:44):

Yeah. So, so cool. The Amplified Bible says this “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger. Do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive, nor by showing favoritism or indifference.”

Nicole (22:03):

Oh wow.

Sharon (22:04):

Isn’t that awesome?

Nicole (22:05):

That shed some really good light on that passage.

Sharon (22:07):

Shazam! Yeah. I really like that one a lot, really good.

Nicole (22:10):

Yeah. That is good.

Sharon (22:11):

So, all right. Well part, one of verse four was all about what not to do. And it’s really easy because we’re human beings to do what not to do.

Nicole (22:20):

Oh yes. It’s usually our go-to.

Sharon (22:23):

Right. Fortunately God tells us what to do in those cases. It’s to confess our sin to our children and say, honey, I am so–, like you, you just modeled that, you just said, and I tell them, I’m sorry. (Nicole: Yeah) Yeah. So good. So, all right, well what do we do?

Nicole (22:37):

What do we do?

Sharon (22:38):

We bring them up with discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. His way. Not our way.

Nicole (22:45):

Much better than ours.

Sharon (22:46):

My way is a selfish way. Sometimes my ‘us’ rules were for my own comfort. (Nicole: Yes) Not for the girls’ greater good. (Nicole: Yeah) For my good. (Nicole: Right) And that’s not really nice. Well, sometimes, you know, they do need to respect, like I need a quiet hour, right.

Nicole (23:01):

Or my brain will explode.

Sharon (23:03):

Yes, or my brain will explode.

Nicole (23:03):

If you want a happy mommy?

Sharon (23:05):

Yep. But sometimes there’s silly rules just cause I don’t wanna deal with it. (Nicole: Right) And that’s not nice. It really isn’t.

Nicole (23:09):

Yeah. And I think it’s important to differentiate between God rules and our rules so that they don’t think that God is like nitpicking every little thing they do.

Sharon (23:15):

Yes!

Nicole (23:15):

Like, The Ten Commandments, these are the ones that are not negotiable. You cannot lie. You cannot steal. But the wiping your feet, the this and that, like that’s mommy’s nit picky stuff.

Sharon (23:25):

That’s mommy’s thing.

Nicole (23:26):

For her sanity.

Sharon (23:27):

Exactly. You’re right. It’s a good difference. Well, let’s talk about that discipline part first. How do you help your kids learn self control? Because really discipline is to teach a person to control themselves, which is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

Nicole (23:43):

Oh, I know, what a gift learned. That’s a tough one, Sharon. This, this actually has been a topic of conversation in our parenting in the last few weeks. It’s helpful because we just had Easter so there’s some candy lying around and that’s always a good way to teach the kids self control. (Sharon: Yes) One that eats it all on the first day and then is very sad and has a stomach ache and their sisters get like one a day for a couple weeks, you know? So it’s a kind of a good lesson in like (Sharon: Mm-hmm) self control, sweetheart is, is limiting, you know, when you can eat all that candy today, you will be ill and then you’ll have no candy.

Sharon (24:14):

Yes. Let’s think about this.

Nicole (24:15):

It’s a good life lesson, you know?

Sharon (24:16):

Right. Right.

Nicole (24:17):

So it’s, it’s easier to work with that because it’s smaller consequences, you know? (Sharon: Mm-hmm) But we’ve been telling the kiddos that there’s some areas that, you know, Josh and I struggle with self control and that it’s much easier to learn this skill younger.

Sharon (24:28):

Yes it is.

Nicole (24:29):

It’s harder when you’re older and used to having your own way (Sharon: Mm-hmm)and it’s the thing I’ve been saying is it’s like a muscle that you have to use and strengthen.

Sharon (24:36):

I like that.

Nicole (24:36):

You know? Yeah.

Sharon (24:37):

Yeah. That’s good.

Nicole (24:38):

So we discussed it that day that even if you don’t think you’re strong enough to use that self-control muscle in a situation, to avoid the situation (Sharon: Mm-hmm) or to remove the object that’s causing the stress.

Sharon (24:49):

Yes.

Nicole (24:50):

That’s why I don’t buy Oreos because I will eat them all. Like there’s certain things that, you know, you know, like, okay, I have no self control of this, so its not coming into my home.

Sharon (24:58):

That’s right. That’s right. Do you remember, Oh, I can’t remember the movie name now. It’s the movie of, one of the Christian movies, Fireproof? No, I don’t remember. But anyways, the guy was having a trouble with what he was watching on TV and he took the TV out in the backyard and, and hammered it to death. It was hysterical. It was so funny.

Nicole (25:16):

It’s like remove it. Like if you have to physically remove yourself from a situation.

Sharon (25:20):

Yeah. Kill the TV.

Nicole (25:20):

Right. Well, that’s a verse in the Bible too, about your right hand. If any of you— cut it off and run!

Sharon (25:25):

That’s it. Throw the TV out the window.

Nicole (25:27):

So go to drastic measures to protect yourself from sinning.

Sharon (25:31):

Yes. I love it. I love how you and Josh come alongside them and say, hey, we have self control issues too. This is a lifetime journey (Nicole: Yeah) to learn it, controlling ourselves is, you know, a hard thing.

Nicole (25:43):

It is.

Sharon (25:43):

And if you’re walking with them through it, they’re also not gonna think that by the time they’re 18, they’ve mastered it, which would be a lie cause they won’t have.

Nicole (25:50):

I know, poor kiddos.

Sharon (25:51):

Yeah. All right. So we help children learn boundaries and that’s actually a gift to them, to learn this self control.

Nicole (25:57):

Absolutely.

Sharon (25:58):

But we’re also to bring them up with godly instruction as to the Lord. And you know, I’ve talked before about just how precious it was to me as a child to memorize scripture with my mom and dad memorizing with me, to pray kneeling every night. (Nicole: Oh yeah) All of us praying together, ending with this beautiful song prayer. The rhythm of daily coming to God was just a part of my life. It was beautiful. (Nicole: Hmm) So Deuteronomy 6:4-7 is just precious with this. It says, “Listen, oh Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord, your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I’m giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you’re on the road, when you’re going to bed and when you get up.”

Nicole (26:51):

I love this verse Sharon.

Sharon (26:52):

Isn’t it beautiful?

Nicole (26:53):

It’s one of my favorites. It’s equally convicting and then it’s also kind of a battle cry for parents to try to impart God’s word and his truth wherever and whenever we can.

Sharon (27:03):

Absolutely.

Nicole (27:03):

Waking up, going everywhere. (Sharon: On the road) I think of your mother leading you to Jesus like in labor, like whenever you can get Jesus in, you know?

Sharon (27:11):

Exactly. Postpone that trip to the hospital.

Nicole (27:13):

Oh, yes. I love that. You know, and Josh and I are trying to be more intentional at bedtime. Cause honestly bedtime is tough and I’m done by the end of the day.

Sharon (27:19):

You’re so done. I know.

Nicole (27:21):

But I’ve been trying to like practice, just praying with them at night. Like Josh can do the stories, but I wanna pray with the girls at night.

Sharon (27:26):

Yeah. I love that.

Nicole (27:27):

That’s been really sweet. (Sharon: Mm-hmm) Even when I’m super grumpy and they’re not listening when we get to that point of like praying together, it’s really good.

Sharon (27:32):

It’s a holy way to end the day.

Nicole (27:34):

It is. It’s much better.

Sharon (27:35):

And you hear their hearts sometimes through their prayers.

Nicole (27:37):

You do. It’s so sweet.

Sharon (27:38):

I know. I love that.

Nicole (27:40):

So, you know, we’re still, we’ve got a long way to go, but we’re trying to work on praying with them at night. And then also just having like a separate time, just asking them, how was your day and how did you show Jesus and how we could have either done something, you know, using God better, you know? (Sharon: Yeah, yeah) As Christians, how should we have responded? Or you did a great job. You know?

Sharon (27:57):

I love it. I love it. Oh my goodness it’s so beautiful. Well, we are out of time. I thought that this was gonna be short and it ended it up long. We had a lot to say about parenting.

Nicole (28:07):

I know. Yes. There’s so much.

Sharon (28:08):

From four verses.

Nicole (28:09):

Isn’t that amazing?

Sharon (28:09):

I know.

Nicole (28:10):

There’s more in there than we thought.

Sharon (28:11):

There is. There is. Well, I’m gonna pray for you as a parent. And for me as a parent, I still need to not provoke. I still need to love on my girls well. (Nicole: Yeah) All the regular rules about treating people nicely still apply (Nicole: Yes) to the parent-child relationships.

Nicole (28:28):

Absolutely

Sharon (28:29):

So let me pray. Oh Father God, thank you for this short, but full instruction manual for children and for parents. Father, as children, help us to honor our parents, Lord. That no matter how imperfectly they raised us, they did raise us. They did spend money on us. They did take time with us and Lord help us to see the good in them, help us to learn their stories, help us to practice forgiveness with them, where we need to. Help us to remember, that you have asked us to treat them with honor, as they grow more feeble and older. And Lord as parents, Lord help us to love these children well. To bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, the way you want us to talk to them, the way you want us to interact with them, for their good and not their harm. I pray for the young moms out there that have the sobering responsibility of, of teaching their children things and requiring obedience. May they be wise in what they teach. In what they say. May they be quick to say, they’re sorry when they get it wrong, cause they will. May our relationships, all of us in this podcast family, with our parents and our children, please you Lord in the week ahead. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Nicole (30:06):

Amen. We are so glad you joined us today. Where are you in the parenting world? Are you struggling to honor a parent now as an adult? What does that look like for you? Are you in the trenches as I am with littles at home? What do you find harder, being strict or being lenient? Write us anytime at Sweetselah.org/podcast. We so love to hear from you. Let’s continue the conversation. We are always very grateful for donations too. We love our podcast partners. Go to Sweetselah.org/donations and join the podcast partner crew. Get our monthly e-letter. Next up is episode 79. We are moving on to Work Lessons. God bless you.

Speaker 1 (30:51):

We are so glad you stopped for a while with us. The Sweet Selah Moments Podcast is a cooperative production of Word Radio and Sweet Selah Ministries. More information about this podcast can be found at SweetSelah.org. Thank you for joining us.