Episode 106 – Learning Self-Control

Speaker 2 (00:01):

Welcome to a podcast designed to bring biblical encouragement to your weary soul. We are so glad you’re listening and we pray God blesses you and strengthens you in your walk with him. The Sweet Selah Moments Podcast is brought to you by the cooperative efforts of Sweet Selah Ministries and Word Radio. Sit back and enjoy.

Nicole (00:28):

Welcome to the Sweet Selah Moments Podcast. This is episode 106, Learning Self-Control. This Fruit of the Spirit is the last of the nine, and it’s a tough one, Sharon. (Sharon: Mm-hmm) It’s remarkably difficult to control oneself. New Year’s resolutions are a good case in point. Studies show that most people fail in the new New Year’s resolutions by February.

Sharon (00:50):

By February.

Nicole (00:51):

Yes. That’s so sad. According to a Forbes report, and I’m quoting here, “research shows that by February, about 80% of people have already forsaken their New Year’s resolutions”.

Sharon (01:02):

That’s a high percentage.

Nicole (01:04):

Yes.

Sharon (01:04):

It really is. No wonder this has to be a fruit of the Spirit.

Nicole (01:07):

I know.

Sharon (01:08):

It’s hard to motivate oneself. Nicole, there are so many ways we fail in this. We fail to limit our food intake, for example, (Nicole: Mm-hmm) even though we know the more food we eat, the more calories to feed our fat cells.

Nicole (01:22):

Yes. And we know that exercise every day is good for our bodies. Yet life gets busy and exercise doesn’t happen.

Sharon (01:29):

Oh, yeah. And then going to bed on time is another one. We know we need sleep. You know, sometimes I find that even getting up from the couch in order to brush my teeth feels too hard. So I sit there and make it worse by the delay.

Nicole (01:43):

And then there’s a daily time with God and the Word, so important yet so easy to skip on a busy morning, especially if we stayed up too late the night before, not brushing our teeth, pushing off the inevitable and therefore slept in bit.

Sharon (01:59):

Yikes. We need help.

Nicole (02:01):

We really do.

Sharon (02:02):

We do so much damage to ourselves with our lack of self-control. So today I’d like to look at some words Paul wrote in Romans to help us understand how we can position ourselves so the Holy Spirit can help us in this important area. Let’s turn to Romans 12. This entire chapter gives the best advice on developing this particular fruit of the Spirit of self-control. Let’s read it and then dive in verse by verse and discover what God has to say about it.

Nicole (02:33):

All right. I’m gonna start with verse one then. So Romans 12, verse one. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice, the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.”

Sharon (02:51):

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person. By changing the way you think, then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good, pleasing, and perfect.”

Nicole (03:06):

“Because of the privilege and authority God has given me. I give each of you this warning, don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves. Measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.”

Sharon (03:18):

“Just as our bodies have many parts, and each part has a special function.”

Nicole (03:23):

“So it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.”

Sharon (03:28):

“In His grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.”

Nicole (03:40):

“If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well.”

Sharon (03:46):

“If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.”

Nicole (04:02):

“Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.”

Sharon (04:09):

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

Nicole (04:14):

“Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.”

Sharon (04:18):

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble and keep on praying.”

Nicole (04:27):

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.”

Sharon (04:33):

“Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them. Pray that God will bless them.”

Nicole (04:39):

“Be happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep.”

Sharon (04:43):

“Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people, and don’t think you know it all.”

Nicole (04:51):

“Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.”

Sharon (04:58):

“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

Nicole (05:02):

“Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the scriptures say, I will take revenge and I will pay them back, says the Lord.”

Sharon (05:12):

“Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame.” (On their heads)

Nicole (05:26):

That part’s a little fun.

Sharon (05:27):

I like that translation, burning coals of shame on their heads.

Nicole (05:30):

Wow. “Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

Sharon (05:36):

Oh my goodness. This is such an incredible, I have always loved this chapter. It is chock full of great wisdom and advice, and boy does it take a lot of self-control to do it all, right?

Nicole (05:47):

Yes, it does.

Sharon (05:49):

All right. Well, I’m gonna read the first two verses again, and then we’ll dissect them, and then we’ll go back and forth because there is so much here. And I feel like we’re gonna learn about self-control. All right. Reading chapter 12, verses one and two, and then talking about them. “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice. The kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think, then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” So starting with that first verse, he’s pleading with us to give our bodies to God. This isn’t just, maybe I ought to do it. This is Please, please. And I think it’s so ironic that I’m calling this a chapter in self-control, but the first thing we’re asked to do is to give up control, right?

Nicole (06:48):

Yeah.

Sharon (06:48):

We’re yielding mm-hmm. The best way to gain self-control is to yield control to the only one who can give it to us.

Nicole (06:57):

Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Sharon (06:57):

Isn’t that funny? And that’s actually, it takes a lot of self-control to make yourself yield. Right?

Nicole (07:03):

It does. Yeah.

Sharon (07:04):

I mean, that’s a weird way to look at it, but it does. And then the other part I liked, and then you get to talk too. I do all the time.

Nicole (07:11):

No, I love it.

Sharon (07:13):

He says, this is truly the way to worship God. You know, in the Old Testament, worship was bringing a sacrifice. Right. (Nicole: Oh right) It was bringing a gift to the altar. Either a thank offering or a sin offering, but an offering. (Yeah) Well, God says, well, what I’d like you to bring is you. So one of the ways I worship God is to just offer myself to him. (That’s so beautiful) As a, as a living sacrifice. (Yeah) It’s beautiful. (It is) And that’s the beginning of self-control, yielding self. So.

Nicole (07:47):

That’s so tough. But we need to start with that yielding, because as you look through this chapter and the things that it’s telling you to do, like, oh, that’s so nice. Like, don’t pretend to love others. Really love them. Okay. And then you’re confronted with a really difficult person. I’m like, oh, I really have to love this person. I can’t just fake it.

Sharon (08:03):

No, no.

Nicole (08:04):

But I have to surrender and say, God, I cannot, Nicole cannot love this person without your help. So I’m surrendering, I’m giving you my life as a sacrifice. And through that, the Holy Spirit is able to work.

Sharon (08:16):

And that’s the only way he is. And that’s why in verse two, he says, God’s gonna transform us into a new person.

Nicole (08:22):

Yes.

Sharon (08:22):

Because the person we are is not the person that wants to feed the enemy when they’re hungry.

Nicole (08:28):

Yeah. That’s the hard part.

Sharon (08:29):

Or pray blessing on their head, right?

Nicole (08:31):

Mm-hmm.

Sharon (08:31):

All these things are impossible without that yielded-ness first.

Nicole (08:35):

Yes. And I think also the part about renewing your minds, the more that we get into the practice of stopping, sacrificing ourselves, God, I, my life is yours. What do you want me to do? Help me to do this. (Sharon: Yeah) The easier it’ll get, it’ll become more of a habit. We’re renewing our mind. (Mm-hmm) So we’re thinking about loving, serving, loving our enemies the way God wants us to.

Sharon (08:55):

Exactly so.

Nicole (08:56):

And not the way our sinful mind wants to, which is our go-to, usually.

Sharon (09:00):

Yes. It is.

Nicole (09:00):

We have to get God’s way into our brain.

Sharon (09:02):

Right. Right.

Nicole (09:03):

And this is how you do it.

Sharon (09:04):

It is. It is. And when we get it through our thick skulls that we’re not in charge of us.

Nicole (09:08):

Yes.

Sharon (09:08):

When we’ve surrendered to God, that meant we actually invited him to have the throne in our heart. Yes. Um, that’s the renewing of the mind. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m not in charge. (Nicole: Mm-hmm) I asked God to run this day, and he’s decided to allow this difficulty, and (Right) I need to receive it. (Mm-hmm) and then I need to yield to what he’d have me do with it. Yeah.

Nicole (09:26):

That’s so good. So good. So difficult. All right. So the next section has to do with the gifts of the Spirit, which are related to fruit, in that when we practice in our area of giftedness, it’s best if we do them with the love, joy, peace, patience, et cetera, that comes from the fruit of the Spirit. So verses three through eight, again, “Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning, don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts, and each part has a special function so it is with Christ’s body, we are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. In His grace God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well, if your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly”.

Sharon (10:41):

Hmmm

Nicole (10:42):

This kind of goes back to that first verse of surrendering to God before we do anything else, but I just think this is so beautiful that when God gives us gifts, he’s also equipping us to do them well.

Sharon (10:52):

I think so too. Yes.

Nicole (10:53):

It’s not just like, it takes a lot to serve God. If you’re trying to give generously, you do need to—, or to serve well, or to teach well or encourage, you still need those fruits of the Spirit to kind of spice it up a little.

Sharon (11:05):

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And you need, like, if you’re a teacher, I, of course that one stood out to me because I’m a teacher, teach well. That requires self-control. (Nicole: Mm-hmm) I mean, don’t just slap it together, Sharon, teach well. Control yourself to prepare to do it well. Right?

Nicole (11:22):

That’s great.

Sharon (11:23):

Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole (11:23):

Self-control is very important in preparing and being, I think, mindful to help serve others in our area. We can’t just always like, oh, when it comes up, I’ll just kind of wing it, you know?

Sharon (11:33):

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re supposed to do it well, and that requires that self-control. Yeah.

Nicole (11:37):

Oh, that’s good.

Sharon (11:38):

I like it. I was interested in that first section of that verse where it says, don’t think you’re better than you really are. I thought that was, that was really interesting.

Nicole (11:46):

You notice I skipped over that part.

Sharon (11:48):

Well, I was thinking, Ray has this thing, it says, be honest in your evaluation of yourselves measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. So we’re to be honest about what we can and cannot do. (Nicole: Right) Ray’s like, I wanna be a basketball player. I am five foot eight and a half. Ain’t gonna happen.

Nicole (12:08):

Oh, Ray.,

Sharon (12:09):

I know, no matter how hard Ray might try. Right? (Nicole: Right) He can’t compete against seven foot men. (Right) He just can’t. So he’s had to receive who he is and (Right) teach history in a Christian high school instead of being in the N B A. Right.

Nicole (12:26):

That’s great.

Sharon (12:27):

So I kind of thought, oh, I like that way of looking at it because I do need to be honest. God, what gifts have you given me? What gifts have you not, you know, where’s, where are my limits?

Nicole (12:37):

Right.

Sharon (12:37):

Right. So that I don’t think I have to do everything. (Nicole: Right. We can’t do everything) Yeah. We have to work within what we’ve been given. But that what we have been given to do with our gifts, we do it with that self-control of doing it well. (Yes) Yeah. So. (I like it) That’s good. All right. Next up, uh, these instructions on basic living out of our faith, and these are hard. (Yes) So, verses nine through 13, this is the one you, you referred to. “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them.” Rats. (I know) And of course, he sees our hearts. So he knows. (Yes. He knows, they may not but God knows) “Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with—” here it is again, twice. “Love each other with genuine affection. And take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble and keep on praying when God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.” Wow. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. Okay. (Tall order) So Yeah, it is, because what God’s saying is we’re not gonna surface skim this stuff. You know, we want you to really do this. We, God, God wants us to really do this. I guess they’re ‘Trinity. (Right. Him and Jesus!) Father, Son and Spirit want us to do this. We’ve gotta really love them. (Yeah) Well, that means we’ve gotta bring it to the Lord constantly. (Yeah) Um, and ask for his help in it. And we can’t be lazy. We have to work hard at these things. And, you know, it’s so funny, I, I love resting in the Lord and being in his presence and all that stuff, and knowing that he works through me, but he also causes me to work hard too. (Mm-hmm) And that involves that surrender. And that involves, you know, when I’m tired, still practicing hospitality, (Yeah) for example. And cheerleading for someone else when they got what I wanted.

Nicole (14:39):

Mmm. That’s tough.

Sharon (14:39):

You know, he’s telling me to do that. Right. Take delight in honoring each other. (Nicole: Yeah) So, and I love that one, Nicole, because that’s something I can do. When somebody gets honored I have a choice. I can ignore it or I can really celebrate what happened to them. Well, I’ve got instructions here.

Nicole (14:55):

Yes.

Sharon (14:56):

Control myself. Control any little bit envy, that be in there and instead celebrate something good that happened to a friend.

Nicole (15:05):

Oh, I love that.

Sharon (15:06):

These are so practical.

Nicole (15:07):

Well, in celebrating someone else’s goodness too, it brings out, it brings a joy and a peace to my heart. I know when I’ve done, if you, instead of having that bitterness kind of grow that envy, like, well, I’ll just ignore it cause I wanted that. (Sharon: Yeah) But when we do surrender and use that self-control to push those things down, (Yeah) there is a beauty and a healing that comes from like, okay, Nicole, this wasn’t your time, or your thing to have.

Sharon (15:28):

Right.

Nicole (15:29):

So it’s good.

Sharon (15:29):

It’s what this person needed. Yes, yes, yes

Nicole (15:32):

But I really like the verse. It says to, “rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble and keep on praying”. It’s like every part of that verse requires self-control.

Sharon (15:44):

It does.

Nicole (15:45):

Because rejoice in confident hope, hope is unfulfilled something, you know, it hasn’t happened yet.

Sharon (15:50):

You’re right it hasn’t happened yet.

Nicole (15:50):

So we’re confidently self-controlled, waiting for something, that hope, you know?

Sharon (15:56):

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Nicole (15:57):

And then we’re being patient in trouble, which who loves to sit in trouble. It’s not fun. And be patient.

Sharon (16:01):

And sit patiently in it.

Nicole (16:02):

Sit patiently, like, okay, Lord, you have this.

Sharon (16:04):

Receiving what is. Yep.

Nicole (16:06):

It’s hard, you know, and then, then keep on praying That self-control, that discipline (Sharon: Yes) of going to God with our concerns, with our prayer requests, and then just being still with him. (Mm-hmm) But doing it not just quickly when I need him, but the self-control, the self-discipline of prayer, of intentional prayer. (Yeah) That’s really important. I need more of that. I’m not good with self-disciplined prayer, Sharon.

Sharon (16:28):

Uhhuh. And that keeping on, I mean, I prayed for four decades for Dad Gamble. It’s, it can get really wearisome. (Nicole: Yeah) When you pray, you see nothing. Or sometimes you see the person get worse.

Nicole (16:38):

Right. And you’re like, uh-oh, did I do it wrong?

Sharon (16:40):

Okay. Yeah. Did I do it wrong? So to keep on praying no matter what. And what that does is keep us connected to the God who loves us.

Nicole (16:48):

Right. Right, right. And we forget that sometimes. It’s that relationship.

Sharon (16:51):

Just so the best. These are such good verses.

Nicole (16:55):

Yes. They are.

Sharon (16:55):

They really are. And they’re so necessary.

Nicole (16:58):

Yes. (Sharon: So) Well, now we’re getting to the hardest stuff at the end of the chapter.

Sharon (17:04):

Yeah. We thought it was hard already, right?

Nicole (17:07):

We thought it was already tough right? So exercising self-control with enemies who are out to hurt us. I think this at least requires a master’s degree in self-control, Sharon, or maybe a PhD?

Sharon (17:18):

Yeah.

Nicole (17:19):

So I’m reading verses 14 through 21, which ends the chapter. “So bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them. Pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all. Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the scriptures say, I will take revenge. I will pay them back, says the Lord. Instead, if your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they’re thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will keep burning coals of shame on their heads. Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.” Man. Oh man. It’s interesting. These all deal with relationships with difficult people, with enemies.

Sharon (18:17):

They do. Mm-hmm.

Nicole (18:18):

This whole section does. And there’s a whole section on it.

Sharon (18:20):

Like he knows we need it.

Nicole (18:23):

So I feel like he knows, God’s like, you guys need this because this is so difficult. When you’re hurt, when people hurt you, the last thing you want to do is bless them, to pray for them.

Sharon (18:31):

Feed them.

Nicole (18:32):

Yes.

Sharon (18:32):

What?

Nicole (18:33):

You know he said, help take care of their needs. (Sharon: Yes) And especially this part, it says live in harmony with each other. And it says down here again, do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. (Right) Man, that’s tough.

Sharon (18:44):

It is, all that you can. Rats. Yeah. I can remember Fern Nichols saying to us, okay, so you’ve had an argument with your husband and he’s 95% wrong, and you are maybe just 5% wrong. She said, you need to say sorry first for your 5%, even if he’s not ready to say sorry for his 95%. (Nicole: Yeah) And that’s hard. (That’s so difficult) That’s as much as possible, as much as it depends on you living at peace with them. (Right) Saying sorry for the 5%, you can do that. Do what everything is possible for us (Yes) to do.

Nicole (19:19):

Within our power. Yep.

Sharon (19:21):

Yeah. Yeah. And that takes self-control when you’re like, (Nicole: It does) but they’re 95% wrong.

Nicole (19:25):

So they have to do their 95% apology first.

Sharon (19:28):

Yeah, why do I have to go first?

Nicole (19:29):

And then I’ll pray for that. Right?

Sharon (19:30):

That’s right.

Nicole (19:32):

Yeah, definitely tough.

Sharon (19:33):

Oh my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. And praying blessing on enemies definitely takes self-control.

Nicole (19:37):

Yeah. That is something for sure.

Sharon (19:38):

It really does, (Nicole: Man) So, but it’s so good and it’s so nice that God will, will take care of it for us. It’s not like, it’s not like he’s letting people get away with it. He is a God of justice. And I pity anyone who falls under his wrath.

Nicole (19:51):

Mmm, that’s true.

Sharon (19:52):

So it’s gonna be made right in the end and they’ll either repent or they’re in trouble.

Nicole (19:56):

Right. Exactly. And I think if we remember that we’re no longer under the wrath of God, that we, that might give us more compassion to pray for our enemies.

Sharon (20:03):

Yes!

Nicole (20:04):

You know?

Sharon (20:04):

Exactly, exactly.

Nicole (20:06):

Not a good place to be. And it also takes the pressure off of us. You know, he’s the righteous God. He will take revenge and pay them back. That’s not our job.

Sharon (20:13):

It’s not our job.

Nicole (20:13):

We don’t need to sit and connive ways to make them pay and suffer and change them. Like let it go. Give it to God and pray for them.

Sharon (20:20):

Exactly so. Exactly so. So instead of saying they’re toxic, I need to stay away from them. Apparently we’re supposed to feed them.

Nicole (20:27):

I know.

Sharon (20:28):

Which, which might mean being close to them.

Nicole (20:31):

I know.

Sharon (20:31):

Oh wow.

Nicole (20:31):

Can we do like a Door Dash? Can we send food to them?

Sharon (20:36):

Yeah. Let’s mail it long distance. Oh boy. Okay. Well now it’s time to apply it to us, our own lives. How do we exercise the fruit of self-control based on everything we just learned in Romans 12 in our own experiences? So why don’t you start with God, how do we exercise self-control with God?

Nicole (20:54):

Yeah. No. So I’m thinking at the beginning we were talking about staying up too late and not getting up early enough to spend time with God. (Sharon: Yeah) I feel like that I can practice self-control in relationship with God simply by going to bed on time. (Yes) So I can actually wake up, spend time with him. (Yes, yes) And the simple things of self-control and self-discipline in a routine with God. And if I feel like I’m too busy to pray, setting up times in the day, like at 10 o’clock I’ll pray, or at two, whatever it is for me and God. (Mm-hmm) That routine and that rhythm with him is so important.

Sharon (21:24):

Those rhythms are so important cause on our own, we’re not gonna find them. But if we create the habits (Nicole: Yeah) Then they’re, you’ve, you’ve got the space for it. (Yes) Basically.

Nicole (21:32):

And then from those, those routines can grow more, you know, organic prayer or whatever. But I think, so sometimes people worry about setting up routines and rhythms is too rigid. It doesn’t feel as natural or as spiritual. But it really is though. You need those spaces first.

Sharon (21:47):

You do. You do.

Nicole (21:48):

In order to grow a relationship with him.

Sharon (21:50):

You absolutely do. Yeah. And I think of also with God not growing weary of turning to him, of yielding.

Nicole (21:57):

Oh yeah.

Sharon (21:58):

You know, we can get tired of it, but self-control says, no, every time you yield again. Every time you say you’re sorry again. Every time we keep doing it. (Nicole: Yeah) That self-control of continuing to do the right thing with the Lord.

Nicole (22:09):

That’s good. Yeah. I like that one.

Sharon (22:11):

So, okay. Family is next. How do I exercise self-control with family? Well, one way is not responding in anger when Ray Gamble provokes me in some way.

Nicole (22:22):

Yes.

Sharon (22:23):

But just, you know, sometimes, I don’t know if you do this, but sometimes literally I take my unruly tongue and I hold it.

Nicole (22:31):

Yes. I was just biting my tongue thinking of it.

Sharon (22:32):

Between my teeth. I mean, I’m not kidding. I literally have my teeth over my tongue because if I don’t, my tongue is going to say something.

Nicole (22:39):

Yes.

Sharon (22:41):

That I am going to regret. Another way of exercising self-control, Ray leaves the lights on all the time, just turn them off, Sharon. (Nicole: Right) Don’t point it out to him every stinking time, you know, just (That’s a good one) turn them off. (Mm-hmm) And then the last way I thought of with family, and then you do get a turn with family too, is listening to my daughters on the phone and to my husband when we take walks without always wanting to interrupt and get my turn. To control myself, to really be fully engaged in what they’re telling me. Responding to them, not waiting for them to hurry up so I can have my turn.

Nicole (23:20):

Right. Ooh, that’s a good one.

Sharon (23:21):

And that’s exercising, that’s self-control for me.

Nicole (23:24):

Yeah, no, that’s good. Uh, mine was very similar. I put self-control with my tongue.

Sharon (23:29):

Yes.

Nicole (23:29):

And then that verse James 1:19. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.”

Sharon (23:35):

There’s the verse for it. Yeah.

Nicole (23:36):

Yes. I always, I’m like, quick to listen, cause you, I, wanna do the opposite. Mm-hmm. So self-control with my tongue. My tongue gets me in trouble with my family as well.

Sharon (23:43):

Yep. And we’re around the family so much that we have many more opportunities to mess up. Right?

Nicole (23:48):

We do. We really do. I think I, we forget that. Like why am I so mean to my family? We’re with them all the time.

Sharon (23:54):

All the time.

Nicole (23:55):

So they get the good and the bad and the tired.

Sharon (23:57):

They get it all.

Nicole (23:58):

They do.

Sharon (23:59):

They get it all.

Nicole (23:59):

The dear families.

Sharon (24:00):

Sunday was a bad day for me. I just was crabby. I think I was just tired.

Nicole (24:06):

Yeah.

Sharon (24:07):

And Ray very graciously, you know, sort of let some things go and then I thought, you know, I, nobody needs me right now. I’m gonna go take a nap.

Nicole (24:16):

Nobody needs me. I’m taking a nap.

Sharon (24:18):

I felt so much better. I was nicer. Ray’s like, yes, please. That nap. Go for it. Take it.

Nicole (24:24):

And that’s good. You recognize— I’ll do that with my girls, mommy needs a timeout. Just don’t talk to me for five minutes. It’s not you, it’s me.

Sharon (24:29):

It’s a reset. I just need a reset. Exactly. Okay. Well what about Christians, Nicole? How do we exercise self-control with our Christian family?

Nicole (24:38):

Yeah. So this was fun to think about. I was thinking in our actions and my own self-control with learning to walk with God and be more like him and not going back to old sinful ways or patterns or habits. (Sharon: Mm-hmm. Yeah.) Because it’s easy to fall into sin if your friend is doing it. You know what, I don’t wanna cause others to stumble. So if I’m not self controlled in my walk with God, then I’m gonna slide back into old ways and I could encourage, you know, godly people around me to do the same thing. And that’s not,

Sharon (25:05):

Absolutely.

Nicole (25:05):

That’s not good

Sharon (25:07):

No, it is not. No, no, no, no, no. I think for me as a leader, one of the hardest areas for me to exercise self-control is when someone else is leading and I immediately think of a better way to lead. And it’s not my job. Right?

Nicole (25:24):

Oh yeah.

Sharon (25:24):

They’re in charge. No one put Sharon in charge of all the committees at Church. Right? (Nicole: Right) And let’s be glad cause not everybody might like my leadership style. So I have to exercise self-control and let other people lead the way they lead.

Nicole (25:39):

Right.

Sharon (25:39):

Right?

Nicole (25:40):

Right. Yeah.

Sharon (25:40):

Why does it have to be my way? It does not. Good gravy, Sharon. So giving grace with people that have different leadership styles. And even if they feel inefficient to me in some way, whatever. So sometimes it’s just letting people be them and not taking over.

Nicole (26:00):

Oh, that’s a good one too.

Sharon (26:00):

When you have a leadership personality. Anyways.

Nicole (26:03):

Or a better idea.

Sharon (26:04):

Okay. So, all right. With non-Christians, people that don’t believe the way I do, how do I exercise self-control? Well, I’ll tell you what, sometimes I literally bite my tongue when someone says something that I violently disagree with. (Nicole: Mm. Yes) Which is just, or they’re misrepresenting a good person because they heard about them on the news and they’re just seeing it wrong. I so want to defend with anger and just the sheer power of my personality. (Yes) You know? And no, no, no, no, no. Is that going to help it if I fan that flame? I don’t think so. So I have to wait until I get control of myself and yield so my words are helpful, not harmful. And that’s what I have to ask myself. Is this gonna be helpful or is it gonna harm?

Nicole (26:53):

That’s a great test before it comes out of my mouth.

Sharon (26:55):

It is. Yeah. And just because somebody misrepresents a Christian in the—, you know, that I love, you know, doesn’t mean I have to fire off at them. They’ve been influenced by other things too. So, I think that’s the hardest; most of the time I think it’s pretty easy to just hang out with my neighbors and people. It’s when they attack a value that I hold dear.

Nicole (27:18):

Yes. That is so tricky though.

Sharon (27:20):

Yeah. Yeah. And I do have to speak the truth, but Oh, there’s that follow up: in love.

Nicole (27:25):

In love. Yeah. Don’t forget that part. It’s a little small.

Sharon (27:27):

Right. So that’s where I need self-control. How about you? What did you find for that?

Nicole (27:32):

Yeah. I think whenever we talk about non-Christians, I feel like it always comes down to our witness, to them. You know, like, how are we, how are we showing them Christ? You know? And if we are self controlled and controlling that tongue for me too. For me it’s more like issues that I, that just are wrong. I feel like I should let them know they’re wrong. They shouldn’t believe this, they shouldn’t support it.

Sharon (27:50):

Right, right.

Nicole (27:51):

But as we’re reading in that book ‘UnOffendable’ together too, it’s not my job to right all the wrongs of the world. I don’t need to fight every battle. God will let me know the ones.

Sharon (27:59):

Right.

Nicole (27:59):

And is it helpful or am I just, that’s wrong. And you should know it’s wrong.

Sharon (28:04):

Yes, yes. You silly person you.

Nicole (28:06):

Right. Like, that’s ridiculous.

Sharon (28:07):

Right. Right.

Nicole (28:08):

So I think for me, self-control with my tongue and my words. Like, is this point, what I’m going to say? Is this gonna show them God’s love? Is this gonna point them to Christ? If not, Nicole, shut your mouth.

Sharon (28:17):

Just be quiet because (Nicole: It doesn’t help) nobody’s won by yelling. (No) No. It just makes them get their back up more.

Nicole (28:24):

No, you never convert people to Jesus by screaming at them,

Sharon (28:26):

By screaming at them. Or if you do, they come for the wrong motives.

Nicole (28:30):

Terrified. Right?

Sharon (28:30):

Right, right. Oh my goodness.

Nicole (28:32):

Don’t recommend it.

Sharon (28:33):

Yes. Oh, we need self-control. I think it’s so interesting that that’s the last fruit of our nine. (Nicole: Yeah) It’s like in order to exercise all the others (Yes) correctly, we need self-control. And yet the the key to self-control is yielding self to the one who alone can control us. (Yes) And that’s God. So let’s pray. Oh Lord God Almighty, how I thank you that you do help us, that we are not left flailing about alone with our emotions and our unruly tongues. Thank you that you live within us. Thank you that your mercies and compassions are new every morning. Thank you that every day we have a chance to yield again, to yoke ourselves to you, so that you can help us live in productive ways and kind ways, in ways that further your kingdom. Oh Jesus, help us to be more like you. In your name I pray. Amen.

Nicole (29:38):

Amen. Thanks so much for listening today. We’d love to hear from you. Where do you struggle with self-control? What has helped you lean into the Spirit so he can give you more of that fruit? Write us @Sweetselah.org/podcast. It costs us $400 a month to produce this podcast. Right now, less than $200 a month is covered. Would you please help us? Become a podcast partner and receive our monthly emails and receive our deepest gratitude for your help. You can donate @Sweetselah.org/donate. We would really appreciate that. Next week, we’re going to start a three week series that dives deep into the lives of New Testament characters who exhibited the fruit of the Spirit. We’ll start with Dorcas in episode 107, The Beauty of Acts of Service. Have a great week.

Speaker 2 (30:28):

We are so glad you stopped for a while with us. The Sweet Selah Moments Podcast is a cooperative production of Word Radio and Sweet Selah Ministries. More information about this podcast can be found@sweetselah.org. Thank you for joining us.