Anger Issues – Episode 17

Speaker 1 (00:02):

Welcome friend. It’s time to hit pause on your busy day and enjoy the Sweet Selah Moments podcast. Let’s ponder God’s Word together and find the encouragement we need to work well and rest well. The Sweet Selah Moments podcast is brought to you by Word Radio and Sweet Selah Ministries.

Nicole (00:30):

Welcome to episode 17 of the Sweet Selah Moments podcast, Anger Issues. You may be one of the few people on the planet who never gets angry, but most of us struggle from time to time with anger issues. I know I do. Sharon, how about you?

Sharon (00:44):

Oh yes. I sure do. In fact, in the book I wrote, there’s a story about me and some cereal boxes. And it’s so funny because I write lots of nice things and the cereal box one is sort of this confessional and everybody, and their brother comes up to me and says, Oh, cereal boxes. That was awesome. I’m like, that is not awesome that I did that to those cereal boxes.

Nicole (01:08):

Yeah! (Laughing) One of my personal favorites.

Sharon (01:12):

So I’m kinda known for it. And I’m going to go and tell it again here, because it is such a great example of how not to be and what anger can do to you. So, and it is just kind of refreshing to know that I’m not alone because everybody relates to this. So this is a really good thing. But anyways, back in the day my father-in-law moved in with us because he could no longer take care of himself. He had an amputation on one leg and his other leg didn’t work. He had polio as a child and so it was not a weight supporting leg. So the leg that was amputated was what he would step on and then he’d kind of drag the other leg. So when he lost his good leg in his early nineties, he could not even stand Nicole. And he was such a shy sweet man that the thought of going to a nursing home or rehab frightened him so badly cause he’s not… You know, you and I are social, we’d start a Bible study, you know, make friends.

Nicole (02:08):

We’d make friends.

Sharon (02:08):

He would not, he would not, he would just wither. And I loved him and we did not want him to wither. And so we learned how to do a Hoyer lift. We learned how to do all the kind of care I had to give him like all these drops every day cause he has glaucoma: six drops in each eye and 10 minutes apart. It’s quite the process anyways. So he moved in with us and we were not foolish. We had aides to help us. So Monday through Friday we had an aide come in and get him up. And it takes about, took about two hours to get Dad Gamble up.

Nicole (02:41):

Wow.

Sharon (02:42):

Cause you had to completely dress him and you had to shower him and do everything for him. And all those drops took almost an hour on their own because you had to wait 10 minutes between each drop as you gave them to him. So it was a long process and Ray would do Saturday. No, I would do Saturdays and Ray would do Sundays because I didn’t work on Sundays.

Nicole (03:03):

That’s right! (laughing)

Sharon (03:03):

Somebody had to get Dad up. So, but we had an aide five days a week. So anyways, on this particular day of the cereal box, the aide called in and said she couldn’t make it.

Nicole (03:13):

Oh no.

Sharon (03:13):

I know. And there’s no one else, but me. Right. And I know how to do it. That’s why Ray and I kept our weekend shifts. So we would know how to Hoyer lift and how to take care of him because we knew things like this would happen, but it happened to be kind of a crazy day. I had some phone conference calls. I was working for Moms in Prayer at the time I had company for dinner and there goes two hours, right? I mean, just gone. So I rearranged my schedule, changed my phone conference call times. And I feel like I exhibited amazing patience. Cause it’s not dad’s fault. Right?

Nicole (03:46):

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Sharon (03:47):

So I took my time with him. We chatted, I lingered over breakfast kind of patting myself on the back, like, ‘Good job, Sharon. Well done’.

Nicole (03:56):

Nailed it.

Sharon (03:57):

‘You are such a good caretaker’. So then I went about my day and and it got kinda crazy cause I had to squish everything into a short time. So about four o’clock in the afternoon, I kind of woke up to the fact that I hadn’t grocery shopped. I was supposed to grocery shop. We have company coming. We have no food in the house and I have to grocery shop. So Whoa. So I rush out to the grocery store. I grab all the stuff I tell the cashier, please keep all the frozen things separate, you know? And this little thing that I need for tonight for the company. So I only brought in the stuff I needed. I throw stuff in the fridge, in the freezer. I made the dinner, welcome the company still fairly calm, fairly okay.

Sharon (04:38):

So we say goodbye to them and it’s time to put Dad to bed, which is an hour, at least. And that’s Ray and me working together, which we did every night. So the groceries are still out in the car. The ones that weren’t the frozen or in the refrigerator, they’re also sitting in the car, but it’s 10 o’clock at night and we’re just barely getting Dad to bed. So, not dad’s fault. Love Dad.

Nicole (05:04):

Oh yeah.

Sharon (05:04):

Nice to Dad. Nice to Ray. Nice to everyone. Inside it’s starting to build, just starting to build. Oh, it’s building.

Nicole (05:12):

Yup.

Sharon (05:13):

So then I look at the fridge at 10 o’clock at night, just starting and realize that I’ve jammed everything that’s old in the back and then everything that’s new in the front. So I change it all around, exhibiting amazing patience. Then I bring in all the groceries from outside. Can you hear the martyr tone?

Nicole (05:33):

Yes. I recognize that.

Sharon (05:38):

So then I start doing the cans the right way, putting the new and the old in the right order.

Nicole (05:42):

Rotating the stock.

Sharon (05:44):

That’s right. And then I get to the cereal and there is no room for the new cereal because I actually didn’t need to buy it. And I’m going to have to take everything out, throw out small things, figure out what is old, just to put the cereal in the cupboard. So instead of taking things out of the cereal box cupboard, I threw them. I just took them and I whipped them across the room and Cheerios went everywhere.

Nicole (06:10):

Oh no!

Sharon (06:14):

Do you know how tiny a Cheerio is? It was everywhere and I shouted. Now Dad had his hearing aids out and he couldn’t hear it all. So only Ray got to witness an incredible temper tantrum, incredible temper tantrum, anger, anger, anger. Now, all that anger did was distress Ray and make my work harder because then I had to pick up all the Cheerio’s on top of everything else. It was just such a bad night.

Nicole (06:43):

Oh! Yeah.

Sharon (06:44):

So, okay. So I can get really angry at times I can even throw boxes across the room. Here’s confession loud and clear. So there it is, Nicole. How about you? Top that Nicole!

Nicole (06:57):

I know. Oh my goodness. No. It’s, it’s hard to keep your temper. I think I don’t tend to erupt immediately. I build, like you just said, build throughout the day until the eruption of like Mountain Nicole. Then it’s spectacular and things go flying. So I feel for you there.

Sharon (07:20):

It’s tough. It really is. Well, we’re going to look today at the part of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, where he talks about anger, Oh boy, get ready friends. It’s going to ouch a bit, you know, to know Jesus fully we need to realize that he’s kind, he’s gentle and loving and comforting and determined that we walk rightly. He pulls no punches. He speaks stark truth at times. Jesus was no pushover. Jesus is God represented to us in human form. And guess what? He has the right to speak truth to us like no one else. For he declared himself to be the truth. So Nicole, let’s go to our Sweet Selah moment and hear Jesus’ words on anger. Matthew five 21 through 26, and let’s read back and forth. You go ahead and start.

Nicole (08:13):

Verse 21, you have heard that our ancestors were told you must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.

Sharon (08:21):

But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment. If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

Nicole (08:35):

So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you,

Sharon (08:45):

Leave your sacrifice there at the altar, go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

Nicole (08:52):

When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise your accuser may hand you over to the judge who will hand you over to an officer and you’ll be thrown into prison.

Sharon (09:03):

And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny. Consequences of anger. Oh my goodness.

Nicole (09:10):

Yeah, they build quickly.

Sharon (09:11):

Well, alrighty then. God, isn’t just displeased when our anger manifests itself in action in brutality. He’s displeased when we even despise someone in our thoughts, which by the way, he can see quite clearly. Oh boy.

Nicole (09:25):

I know. This is not good.

Sharon (09:28):

No, it’s not good at all. I think Jesus is pointing out something here that’s so very true because what starts in the mind as a thought soon manifests itself in words. And that leads to the actions. You can really go from hating someone and being angry with them, to brooding about them internally, to saying ugly things about them, to harming them. Because what starts in the mind builds. It just does. It all starts with the thought life, Nicole. You know, I find it interesting that Jesus is centering his talk about anger around our relationships to people, not cereal boxes thankfully. You know, I get angry at jar lids that won’t open too. And cars that won’t start and computers that will not do what I say. And I know that’s not good, but you know what matters most to the Lord. And what he’s focused on in this passage is our relationships with other human beings made in his image and dearly loved by him.

Sharon (10:23):

So let’s talk. What on earth are we supposed to do when angry thoughts at a person enter our mind? What do you do, Nicole, when you find them there and you know, they’re not supposed to be there, but there they are.

Nicole (10:35):

They’re there. Yep. I think if I’m with the person, if the person’s in front of me, I’ve learned to walk away. I have to walk away. I have a very long fuse, but when it’s over, watch out. That ugly Irish temper comes out and it is, it is not pretty. So I have said and done some very destructive things in anger before. And I just hate that, you know? Sometimes cereal boxes can take the brunt; sometimes it’s people… your words or actions. It breaks my heart. I hate that part of me when that anger comes out. So I’ve learned through experiences to physically remove myself from the room for a while to just breathe and pray for calmness, especially with my kids. Man, are they good at pushing the right buttons.

Sharon (11:16):

They are.

Nicole (11:16):

And I want them to learn self control and I really need to model that and not just yell at them and tell them not to be angry while Mommy’s, you know.

Sharon (11:22):

I’ve been there, done that. It’s really counterproductive.

Nicole (11:26):

It’s not where the steam is coming out of your ears. But more recently I’ve started writing down all my angry thoughts in a journal. I just stop whatever I’m doing and if something has set me off, if you know, I just write it down and it really helps. Even if it’s specifically towards someone or just in general then I’m able to get back to the work at hand and not be stewing and kind of building up those things.

Sharon (11:48):

Oh I like that.

Nicole (11:48):

Yeah. It seems like a gentle thing to do to just write it down but it’s really good cause I just kind of get it down quick and I scribble it and it’s not my prayer journal per se, but it just ends up being addressed to God or I ask him a question at the end. I’m just like, okay, you take this and fix it because I can’t. But that’s been really good for me.

Sharon (12:05):

That’s awesome.

Nicole (12:06):

Yeah. Just the past two months I’ve been doing that.

Sharon (12:07):

Yeah. Well, when you get angry adrenaline surges. I mean you have to do something with the adrenaline, right? It doesn’t go away. And I think that’s why we often explode with words because we’ve got this heightened sense of doing something.

Nicole (12:24):

Right.

Sharon (12:25):

And the journaling is such a productive way to get out that adrenaline and not use it against another person. I love that.

Nicole (12:34):

Right. I wish I had done that earlier.

Sharon (12:36):

Oh, I know, me too. If I could change things about my mothering that would be a key one to change.

Nicole (12:39):

Yes.

Sharon (12:39):

I don’t know many times I got angry when if walking away… or, you know what? I watched Daniel Tiger with Mercedes last year and Daniel Tiger, he says count to four and their little hand is up.

Nicole (12:57):

Yes. You’re so mad when you want to roar.

Sharon (12:57):

One, two, three, four,

Nicole (12:59):

Isn’t that a beautiful illustration?

Sharon (12:59):

I’ve actually done that.

Nicole (13:01):

Yes, it’s genius.

Sharon (13:01):

Yes, I mean literally because just doing that makes you go calm down, calm down.

Nicole (13:08):

You can almost see the mercury dropping down in your face, you know? Okay.

Sharon (13:13):

Alright. This is where I’m supposed to be.

Nicole (13:15):

Thank you Daniel Tiger.

Sharon (13:15):

Yeah. Isn’t that funny? I have watched very little Daniel Tiger but I was watching him with Mercedes.

Nicole (13:22):

And God used that one.

Sharon (13:24):

God said, Sharon, you need this one. We had a woman live with us in Germany. She was dating a German guy and she had no place to live and she was a friend of friends. So she ended up moving in with us. Well, their relationship did not go well for them. And she was so cute because this has never been my solution to anger. She loved to clean when she was angry and she’d come home mad at her boyfriend. And she’d say, give me something to clean. And I’m like, seriously, I should be paying this boyfriend.

Nicole (13:55):

I know. Right.

Sharon (13:55):

The Tupperware cupboard. Go, go girl, go. The coat closet, do it.

Nicole (14:00):

The ring in the tub. Scrub it!

Sharon (14:03):

Yes. And she would go to town.

Nicole (14:04):

Oh, that’s amazing.

Sharon (14:05):

I’m very impressed with her. I never once have felt like cleaning when I was angry.

Nicole (14:09):

I used to in early marriage, I would go lock myself in our bedroom and Josh would come in later and it’d be spotless.

Sharon (14:17):

So you do that too?

Nicole (14:17):

I do.

Sharon (14:17):

You know, I wish I did. It would be so much more useful. Oh, well anyways, very impressed.

Nicole (14:22):

Rage cleaning!

Sharon (14:26):

So, jogging can work, walking, you know, just getting the adrenaline out. And one thing that Ray and I learned early on in our marriage, after we did it wrong for a while, is to speak what we were going to do to each other. You know, Ray doesn’t like being loud. He can say angry things very calmly and matter of factly. But he doesn’t like to raise his voice. And if he could feel that he was going to raise his voice at me, he would just turn and walk away.

Nicole (14:56):

Wow.

Sharon (14:57):

But he wouldn’t tell me anything. He would just turn and walk away. And so if I was angry, I would come right after him with all the wonderful words that I hadn’t controlled. So he learned to say to me, I’m too upset to talk right now. I love you. Give me space.

Nicole (15:12):

Oh, that’s so good.

Sharon (15:13):

I mean, he memorized it because in the heat of the moment, you don’t really want to say any of those things.

Nicole (15:18):

You don’t think of any of these great things. Your rage sets in.

Sharon (15:18):

No, you’re right. So he just would recite it. I’m too angry to talk right now. I love you. Give me space. And I would be okay with that because I’m like, Oh, he’s not walking away because he’s rejected me for life and he’s going to divorce me tomorrow, which would be where my mind would go.

Nicole (15:31):

Oh yeah.

Sharon (15:33):

I would be, Oh, he still loves me.

Nicole (15:36):

He just needs his space.

Sharon (15:38):

Yeah. And then I would have to go, you know, walk or pray or whatever’s, to get the adrenaline out and leave him be until he had thought through what had made him mad so he could talk to me about it like a rational human being.

Nicole (15:50):

That’s so good.

Sharon (15:51):

He’s amazing. I mean, he really was. He did anger way better than me. I just have to say he really did, but he taught me to be more constructive about it and to give space.

Nicole (16:02):

Oh, that’s so good.

Sharon (16:03):

Yeah. But at the same time, not letting the sun go down on our anger because if you give space to too large a degree, it becomes coldness and walls and ice.

Nicole (16:12):

That’s true.

Sharon (16:13):

That’s when it cements.

Nicole (16:15):

Then it’s hard to break through that.

Sharon (16:17):

It is, you’ve gotta be careful. And that’s why the Bible says don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Be angry and sin not. Okay. I’m angry. I don’t want to sin. I need to temporarily walk away and clean my house or write in a journal or get on my knees and tell God how mad I am or whatever. And then come back. And always, I think before coming back to get on my knees and tell God I need help. I feel like that’s all of us really.

Nicole (16:39):

That should be the first thing.

Sharon (16:39):

Let’s not put that as one of the options, let’s put that as a standard option with the angry thing. So, but why is anger so counterproductive? Because it really is. It does do good.

Nicole (16:52):

It is. No, I think it’s such a powerful emotion. It’s the physical response to emotion, to anger is so powerful. Kind of shuts down all the others. It’s almost like anxiety. Anxiety kind of stops your brain from thinking logically.

Sharon (17:07):

You know what, I think that’s true. Yes.

Nicole (17:07):

The physical response to anger is equally as strong where it just shuts down your brain. We have never solved a disagreement in anger, never in all my years with my husband, my friends. It’s never worked.

Sharon (17:18):

It doesn’t happen.

Nicole (17:18):

Yeah. But I mean, sometimes that anger pushes the issue to the front where you have the courage to address it sometimes, but then you need to go and just (breathing) think about it.

Sharon (17:26):

Right. Pray it through first. Absolutely, I agree.

Nicole (17:26):

Try and avoid anger.

Sharon (17:26):

I agree. A harsh word stirs up anger. So all anger does is its kind of like the tsunami that rolls over another person. And I don’t hear well when someone’s angry at me.

Nicole (17:43):

Oh, I agree.

Sharon (17:43):

You know what I mean? I just don’t hear well.

Nicole (17:45):

You just hear the yelling.

Sharon (17:45):

I hear rejection. I hear disdain. I hear I’m worthless. I don’t hear what they’re really saying. Even if what they’re saying is true.

Nicole (17:57):

We can’t receive that constructive criticism with that tone.

Sharon (18:00):

No, I can’t.

Nicole (18:02):

It’s just too hateful.

Sharon (18:02):

And my system shuts down with it too. You know? It just does. So it’s distracting. It’s exhausting.

Nicole (18:09):

It is exhausting.

Sharon (18:09):

It keeps us from focusing on the problem. You know, and one thing that Ray and I learned to say to each other too, was, Whoa, we’re shouting at each other. Like we’re not on the same team. We’re on the same team.

Nicole (18:22):

Right.

Sharon (18:23):

We’re always on the same team. We are the Gamble, Ray and Sharon team. That’s the team we’re on. The problem is what we’ve got to work on, but we’re acting like the other one is the enemy and it’s not that person. It’s the problem.

Nicole (18:38):

That’s a great perspective.

Sharon (18:39):

Oh, we say that a lot. I mean, not as much anymore because actually one of the blessings of being married for 40 years is there aren’t as many arguments.

Nicole (18:46):

That’s nice.

Sharon (18:48):

It really is. It’s very happy. Yes. But that we’re on the same team would redirect us. And instead of, you know how, when you face each other, it’s like confrontational, right. But when you’re on the same team, you’re shoulder to shoulder,

Nicole (19:00):

Oh, focusing on the issue, the problem, not each other, right.

Sharon (19:03):

You kind of turn your focus and you’re like, okay, let’s stand shoulder to shoulder. What is this problem that’s made us unhappy and unhealthy towards each other.

Nicole (19:12):

That’s great. I wonder if sitting next to a person instead of standing at them would be good.

Sharon (19:16):

It really helps. Yes! Sitting next to and sometimes even touching. Although if you’re really mad, that can be hard.

Nicole (19:21):

And my finger on your knee, that’s all you get right now.

Sharon (19:25):

Yes, that’s right. Laughing…

Nicole (19:28):

Oh, that’s great. I love that.

Sharon (19:29):

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So all we get with anger when we’re angry is get more anger, less listening and solving of issues. And we might want to recall that God’s greatest commandment is to love him. And the second greatest is to love others. We might want to recall that because those are the best things we can do. And so we need to, even with righteous anger, if we’re angry, because someone innocently has been hurt even then, even then we need to remember in the midst of it, that even that abuser needs redemption, every human being needs redemption. So, all right. So let’s look at the next verses. Why don’t you read 23 and 24 for us.

Nicole (20:10):

All right. So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar, go and be reconciled to that person, then come and offer your sacrifice to God.

Sharon (20:26):

How can we apply this? Because we don’t have altars anymore?

Nicole (20:29):

No.

Sharon (20:30):

What are your thoughts?

Nicole (20:31):

I thought of… For me it was monthly communion. Because you know, they pass out the communion and they always ask you to be examining your heart. You’re seeing if there’s anything lingering that needs to be addressed before you remember God’s sacrifice for you. I just thought that was a good time kind of sit and like, okay God do I have anything unresolved, any issues, but that should be happening on a daily basis.

Nicole (20:54):

But if you’re really holding something on that monthly reminder might be good. Or even just going to church every Sunday, that’s a sacrifice of our time. We’re going to church to worship God. We really shouldn’t be going with a heart that’s harboring something or has something against someone. So that could be a reminder.

Sharon (21:09):

Yeah, and sometimes just being there, which is why we should be there. God’s word will prompt. You know, like do not let a bitter root grow. Oh shoot and I’m being bitter, you know, or whatever. Sometimes just the going reminds us of something that’s wrong in our heart. You’re right. I think, I think it’s a Holy time to reset. I think you’re right? I think it is. That’s good. But you know what also is interesting about this? It says to notice if someone has something against us.

Nicole (21:36):

Yeah.

Sharon (21:37):

I thought that was fascinating, you know? Okay. Has somebody been avoiding me or somebody like growling inside about me? Do I know someone’s got something against me? Well, as much as it is possible, as much as it depends on me, as Romans says, I need to try to make that right. Even when someone’s mad at me, I need to go to them and say, Hey, I ‘ve just been sensing I think a coldness? If I’m wrong forgive me. But if I’ve done something to hurt you, please tell me what it is. I don’t want to wound you, you know? So, and then if they tell you and you’re getting that criticism, you have to receive it well. And Fern Nichols, who is my mentor and who was the founder of Moms in Prayer International, once taught us something that has stuck with me so much. And it’s so wise and so hard.

Nicole (22:29):

Yeah.

Sharon (22:29):

If Ray or anybody comes to me and tells me something critical, you know, tells me I’ve done something wrong or that my attitude is bad or some word I spoke wasn’t true. You know what ever, I shouldn’t have to think about what to respond. The answer should always be. Thank you.

Nicole (22:51):

Ooh.

Sharon (22:52):

I heard her say that. And I’m like, what did you just say?

Nicole (22:55):

Say that again.

Sharon (22:57):

Thank you. And the reason is, first of all, it diffuses the situation. You haven’t started with defensiveness.

Nicole (23:05):

Wow.

Sharon (23:05):

At all.

Nicole (23:06):

Yeah.

Sharon (23:06):

It gives you time to calm down.

Nicole (23:08):

Yeah.

Sharon (23:10):

Thank you. You started your response civilly. Because a gentle answer turns away wrath, a harsh word is what turns up anger. And there are things we can always be thankful for in that kind of a situation. Always. Thank you for telling me, you know.

Nicole (23:28):

Right.

Sharon (23:29):

At least I know now I know.

Nicole (23:30):

At least now I know. Right.

Sharon (23:31):

Thank you for revealing your hurts. Thank you for communicating so I can know what is in your heart and try to help even if what they’re communicating is vitally wrong.

Nicole (23:41):

Right.

Sharon (23:41):

I can’t help them if I don’t know what’s in their heart. So at least they’ve told me, thank you. Thank you for helping me become a better human being by showing me an area I need to grow in. Now there’s a mature response that’s hard to do in the moment.

Nicole (23:55):

I need to write these on cue cards and keeping them in my pocket.

Sharon (23:59):

Okay. Hold on. Just criticized me. Got to get my cards out.

Nicole (24:01):

Oh, that’s really good.

Sharon (24:06):

But the thank you absolutely diffuses this. It’s a wonderful first response.

Nicole (24:09):

I catch you off guard to say thank you. Like, wait, what? I’m expecting you to yell back at ne,

Sharon (24:13):

Yes, exactly. I’m preparing my next round of arguments.

Nicole (24:15):

Right. Ooh that is good.

Sharon (24:17):

It’s so good.

Nicole (24:18):

I’m going to have to remember that one

Sharon (24:19):

I’m really, really thankful. So, alright. What are some other ways to handle it when someone dislikes us and we know that they’re resentful of us for some reason or other?

Nicole (24:29):

That’s really tough because I don’t know. I personally can’t stand living in unresolved conflict. It drives me crazy.

Sharon (24:36):

Yes.

Nicole (24:36):

So I want to, I will approach that person as soon as I possibly can. And I try to be as gentle as I can and just ask what I have done to cause you to feel this way and what can I do to remedy it? Because I just love being in harmony with people. So it really burdens me. I know not everyone is comfortable with confrontation. So if someone is more shy or nervous about it, I think it’d be really helpful to find a trusted friend to come with you for support. Find someone who has peace in mind and not someone who’s just going to back you up.

Sharon (25:11):

Exactly. And someone ideally who loves the other person as well.

Nicole (25:15):

A neutral person. Don’t pull someone down on your side per se, but just like, Hey, you’re a godly friend. Can you come with me and just help me?

Sharon (25:22):

Help me sort this through because it’s not good.

Nicole (25:25):

No.

Sharon (25:26):

You know, and I want it better. So I think we’re at least getting the big overall message that relationships matter to the Lord Jesus and they need to matter to us. And here’s this verse Romans 12, 18 that I’d mentioned earlier, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone. That’s so your heart, I love your heart there. Thank you God for Nicole’s heart, because that’s what we want is to live at peace with everyone. It’s not always possible. If someone, you know, is bound and determined to abuse another, you can’t peacefully allow it ,for example, ever out of love for the victim and love for the abuser, who’s debasing him or herself. We have to put a stop to that situation. Even if that initially doesn’t seem to be living at peace. That’s an extreme example, but it’s an important one.

Nicole (26:12):

No, that’s true.

Sharon (26:13):

We don’t live at peace at the cost of truth and integrity. And allowing somebody to ruin their own integrity by abusing another hurts them as well as hurts everybody involved. So, all right, last section, we’ve got to move on. What’s the last one Nicole?

Nicole (26:28):

So it says, when you’re on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise your accuser may hand you over to the judge who will hand you over to an officer and you’ll be thrown into prison. And if that happens you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.

Sharon (26:47):

Oh, so what’s Jesus saying here, what’s his point? Do you think?

Nicole (26:51):

I think he’s just saying handle it quickly and privately before it builds into something much bigger with a greater chance of a really negative outcome. My Grammy used to always watch those court TV shows and it always seemed like the silliest things got blown way out of proportion. It was just ridiculous to watch. You’re just like, why can’t they just settle this at home? You know? It kinda like hurts our character too.

Sharon (27:10):

It does hurt our character. It makes us look small.

Nicole (27:14):

Right. Kinda foolish.

Sharon (27:14):

Actually we are being small. I think a lot of things escalate because we aren’t really listening. The anger just rolls and rolls and then we become enemies against each other instead of teaming up and looking at the problem. I really do. I think … I was just going to say something so silly. I was going to say, I think Jesus was right.

Nicole (27:35):

I think he might’ve been too, Sharon.

Sharon (27:37):

Yeah, let’s just clarify. Jesus was right. That it is wiser to settle with people before you’re in court with walls of steel between you, because you’ve let bitterness take hold.

Nicole (27:52):

Oh, for sure.

Sharon (27:53):

It’s just, God is so good. And he wants so much for us in relationship to love and to be a peacemaker and to do what’s right. And that starts going back to the very first part we read with our heart. When we start calling people, idiots and fools and all that stuff, we bring greater danger than we realize. And Jesus made that clear. I believe he said you could be in danger of hell.

Nicole (28:17):

Yes. That was it.

Sharon (28:19):

I think that was it.

Nicole (28:20):

That’s not something to take lightly.

Sharon (28:21):

Oh Yeah. So we need to take it seriously. And if I could do one thing differently as a mom, I would have taken my anger more seriously. I did a lot of damage. And if I had read what Jesus told me and listened to him who gives us commands for our good, I would have begged for a way to get my anger under control. I would have done so much more because I was in danger of hell because I would not control it to the degree I should have. And I have now. And I’m thankful to the Lord for that, but I’m just saying to those of you wherever you are in life, it’s not a small matter. It’s not a small matter. And our Jesus who loves us and comforts us when we mourn also says you are in danger if you don’t get a grip on your anger.

Sharon (29:08):

So we’ll end with that wonderful firm little thought and I’ll pray for us. Oh, heavenly Father. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all the times you forgive over and over when I have needed it for my anger. Thank you that you never gave up on me. Thank you for your wise, good, perfect counsel for my good and for the good of those, I love. Lord, would you help each of us listening to be careful to notice when thoughts in our mind are angry, ugly thoughts, and to bring them to you right away so that it doesn’t escalate and end up in court. We need you, Lord. We need you over and over. We thank you for your mercy on us. Help us to be a gentle people, help us to want to live at peace as much as it is possible with us. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

Nicole (30:12):

Amen. We will leave you with one final thought dear listeners. It is really hard to stay angry at someone if you bring them to God and pray for them. So bring that person before God and pray for them and you will see your anger fizzle away.

Sharon (30:27):

Yes.

Nicole (30:27):

What are your thoughts on anger dear listener? We would love to know your tips on how to not allow anger to control us. We love comments. So visit us @sweetselah.org/podcast and let us know your thoughts. If you struggle with your anger in some area, we would be honored to pray for you if you would like to share that with us as well. And please come back next week for episode 18, it’s kind of a related topic. We’ve called it When Relationships Hurt. Let’s learn how to cope when we go through a relational tough spot. Thanks so much for hanging out with us today. Please share our podcast with your friends and follow us. Positive reviews will help us get noticed as well, if you could bless us in that way. And donations make us smile with gratitude. You can donate @sweetselah.org/donate. Mostly though thanks for being part of the Sweet Selah Moment sisterhood. We are so glad you stopped and spent some time with us. Can’t wait to chat some more next week. May God bless you and pour out his favor upon you.

Speaker 1 (31:23):

We are so glad you stopped for awhile with us. The Sweet Selah Moments podcast is a cooperative production of Word Radio and Sweet Selah Ministries. More information about this podcast can be found@sweetselah.org. Thank you for joining us.